That moment

...when you are in the office and you happen to look up from your keyboard and find 3 empty bottles of ibuprofren, electrolyte tabs, coffee and an ice pack at the ready, a sudden realization smacks you in the face that your sport isn't just a hobby anymore, it's a lifestyle.

yea.
it just happened

#slapshandtoforehead
#doh
#Ilovestickynotes

Really?

This is actually a thing?  

Really???

I thought the purpose of crock pots were to "fix it and forget it?"  

As if everything else in our lives weren't already controlled by our smart phones...and now this??

I don't know if I want to live in a world where there is an app for my dang crock pot.

Seriously?  

For heaven's sake.  

What's next, toilets?  Just in case we need the ability to flush from afar?

The insanity must stop.

Song for the Week

I heard this song driving to computrainer class.  It was a little surreal.  It happened to be 70 degrees (when exactly one week prior we got hammered with a snow storm) and I had my windows down.  I looked up to the sky, one side looked menacing and the other was that beautiful Carolina blue with cotton candy clouds.  This song came on.  I turned it up and let it carry me away.

Every Storm (Runs Out of Rain)
Gary Allan, Set You Free (2013)

So you're standing in the middle of the thunder and lightning
I know you're feeling like you just can't win, but you're trying
It's hard to keep on keepin' on, when you're being pushed around
Don't even know which way is up, you just keep spinning down, 'round, down…

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

So hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more
And walk out that door,
Go find a new rose, don't be afraid of the thorns
'Cause we all have thorns
Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind
And when you fall back down, keep on rememberin'

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

It's gonna run out of pain
It's gonna run out of sting
It's gonna leave you alone
It's gonna set you free
Set you free

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

It's gonna set you free,
It's gonna run out of pain,
It's gonna set you free

Alanis says it best

No doubt Alanis Morissette has gotten me through some pretty tough spots throughout the years.  It's odd really, how she happens to come blasting through the speakers or the ear phones at the exact moment when you need to hear her.  And then you straighten your back with the most thoughtful expression on your face and say, "YES! That's it! EXACTLY!"

I had one of those moments this week.  Though not all the lyrics are 100% correct, for example 1) I'm not sick, 2) we don't have taxis readily available where I am and 3) I no longer flick cigarettes..., everything else is pretty much spot on.

It was kind of an epiphany to be honest.

I've been trying to figure out exactly where I "was". With all my thoughts and emotions going every which way I couldn't quite articulate it.   Thank goodness Alanis was around to help me out...

Hand In My Pocket

Jagged Little Pill (1995)

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine

'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless

I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be quite alright

'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing

I'm brave but I'm chicken shit

I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is playing a piano

And what it all comes down to my dear friends, yeah

Is that everything is just fine fine fine

'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

It's Official

I've just turned in the crappiest written paper of my entire college career (that's like 6 years for people keeping track).............and I couldn't be happier!

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE SEMESTER IS OVER!  THE SEMESTER IS OVER!

So, the blog front has been a bit on the quiet side, my apologies friends.  These past few months, well, I've had lots going on and it's proved to be a bit of trying, scatterbrained jumble of hours, days and weeks.  So.  Here is a quick update:

• THE SEMESTER IS OVER!
• I now have some valid free time to do stuff without the homework cloud threatening to suck all the fun out of life.
• My knee and cutie nerve are well on their way to recovery.  I have a sexy new knee brace that keeps my knee cap in the middle where it should be and I just bought some calf sleeves, so I look pretty hard-core.  Key word in that sentence is 'look.'
• Okay folks, I will be swimming in the lake for my first ever open water swim. (the cool kids say OWS for short)
• Okay folks, Thelma and I are making our debut this Saturday in our first sprint triathlon, as long as I don't drown in the lake or pass out from hypothermia (please see above bullet)
• Okay folks, yes, my very first OWS will be in my 'first' sprint distance triathlon.  I will be doing a 750 meter doggie paddle, 20k bike ride (12 miles for the metric challenged like me) and a 5k run (3.1 miles).
• and did I tell you that THE SEMESTER IS OVER!!!!

Ugh.

I'm having one of those days.  You know the kind I'm talking about.  No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try to turn it around, it was just doomed to fail as soon as that alarm clock went off.  I'm not sure exactly why it happens.  It just does.  And no matter how much you'd love to just go back to bed and hide under the covers waiting for this one to be over and another one to begin, well, you just can't.  So I thought I would present a top ten list....

Top 10 Things To Do So You And Everyone That Crosses Your Path Makes It Out Alive

1. Make sure you consume an ample amount of coffee.
2. Eat 2 portions of comfort food for lunch.
3. Try not to make eye contact with anyone.
4. Have a supply of chocolate at the ready.
5. No angry or annoying music on your Pandora station, soothing tunes only.
6. Drink more coffee.
7. Remind yourself to breathe.
8. Don't stare at the clock.
9. Utilize ear buds if you have 'em.  Remember, soothing tunes only.
10. Make coffee into that of the Irish variety....

*note:
I have done none of these....so if you're within a 20 foot radius, my best advice?  No sudden movements and back away slowly.

I'm only human folks.  It's just one of those days.
Tomorrow will have to be my reset button.

A Sign of "Senioritis"....

too bad I'll be a senior for an additional (at minimum) 2 years.

.....slaps hand to forehead.....

Free Time....

I keep a pretty tight schedule usually blocked in a 3 or 4 month time period, whether it be a school semester, training cycle....or as it was the case this fall, both.  During these blocks I ALWAYS look forward to those precious weeks between the ending of one block and the beginning of the other.  So many things I want to do and so many opportunities to get those chores done that I had not quite been able to get to.  And then I start making my two lists (you know me, I need my lists):  "Fun Things I've Been Wanting To Do" and "Chores I've Been Neglecting."  The possibilities are endless!  Kinda like that Swiffer commercial where the woman discovers she has time to read a book.  (And no, this is not an endorsement for the Swiffer Duster since its use would fall under the "chores I've been neglecting" list....)

So many things I've been wanting to do!  What to do first...  Out of all those things....

My gosh, I only have 3 weeks....to do ALL those things.  Oh no, what if I can't get it all done?  How do I choose?  What if I choose wrong...time wasted that may have been better spent doing something else.  So much to choose from....what is it that I REALLY want to do?  Omigosh, I don't know what to do....

Free time, folks, stresses me out.

It stresses me out SO MUCH.  I get so overwhelmed that I can't seem to do anything.  So I don't.

Last night, I had time.  No paper do, no homework to read and the house to myself.  I got excited at the prospect of reading a book..you know, for fun!  But I sat there, looking through my Kindle shelves, my bookshelves...so much I haven't read yet, so much I want to read!  And then it happened.  I got so beside myself I couldn't make a decision.  Instead, I went and watched my DVR recording of Grey's Anatomy and fell asleep on the couch during an episode of Elementary (must watch this show.  Holmes is hysterical!).

The sheer stress of it all prompted this post and plea...

I want to read and I don't want to stress over the decision.  So friends, let's make this fun.

What's been on your nightstand that you might recommend?

My First Day of School

Well.  Today was not my very first day of school, but the first day of the first semester of my senior year.  Now, don't get too excited, it will still be many semesters before I graduate.  I'm on the long-term plan.

And, since it is customary to take a picture on your first day of school......

Have I taken a picture of myself on the first day before?  No.  Why now? Why not?

Now...moving on.

Crazy schedule this semester, work, school, homework, and now marathon training.  Cross your fingers that I can pull it off!  I've only had class at night, but night classes are becoming hard to come by; with the decrease in faculty and I've pretty much exhausted all the general ed courses that they teach at night.  So, this is the first semester I've taken classes during the day.

I've been going to college part-time for about five years now, and today was the first day I actually felt like a student. Weird, huh?  I mean, I know I've put in the hours, spent the money on text books, written my share of papers!  But today I was among it all.  All the hustle and bustle, busting my arse to get across campus in 10 minutes for my next class, eating a quick PB&J sandwich under a tree....

Today was a good day.

Now, just remind me of that in a few weeks when I'm stressed out of my gourd...

Lazy

This past Saturday, I was a tad early for my 7:00 a.m. group run.  While I was waiting, I tried to catch up on my Words with Friends games.  I burst out laughing when it showed my opponent's last word played: L-A-Z-Y.  Why did I laugh?  Because I was meeting people at 7 in the morning to run 7 miles, hurry home to load up the Jeep only to go paddle the Dan River for 9 more miles.

This weekend, we are heading to the mountains on a hiking trip (that may or may not produce another post, consider yourself warned), and who knows how many miles they have planned for me then!  But, since I wasn't going to be here this weekend, I had to rearrange my week to get everything in; including all my training workouts.  So, I biked and ran Tuesday morning, biked and swam Wednesday night, and then yesterday, I was out on the roads at 5:30 a.m. to get in an 8 mile run.  A much needed run since it's my last long training run before the Boilermaker next weekend.

What's funny is that I've always considered myself "lazy".  Still do.  I don't always get my housework done.  I don't always get my homework done.  I don't always cross off my to-do's on my daily list.  If you were to ask me why, I would probably say, "I guess I was just lazy."

And then I was talking to a very close and special friend of mine.  Someone who happens to be one of the biggest over-achievers known to the universe, who takes on more than she should but ALWAYS gets it all done to a higher standard than most of us would consider.  She called herself lazy.  Which made me go BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And then it got me thinking.

Folks.  If you're like me, you schedule 70hrs worth of things to do in a day (okay, slight exaggeration but you get my point!)

Just because we don't get everything we "think" should get done in 24 hrs, just because sometimes we opt to do something that we enjoy instead of work that needs to be done, just because we may take a day off from the everyday crap we have to deal with does NOT mean we are lazy.

It means we are human.

It means that we care enough about ourselves to make sure we take the time to stop and smell the roses sometimes.

And the next time you start to use the "L" word....cut yourself some slack!

Dear Jyl,

So, I've been trying to come up with a really cool gift or something to send you off on your marathon adventure in Nashville.

At first I was going to give you a get well basket, but your mom took care of that.  Your brother has you all set up on the Boston Red Sox hat and Sam Adams Boston Marathon commemorative beer.  So...what does that leave?  Those are already the most awesomnest of gifts ever...

And then I thought I might get you jewelry.  A pendant more specifically, for you to put on your shoe when you're running that day.  And then all the inscriptions were so....and I'm like, "how dorky is that".  I need to come up with something completely awesome and cool because Jyl has rocked her training, has pulled me through my own, so I need to come up with something great to say "Thanks.  You're awesome.  It's going to be fantastic...."  all those things rolled into one little somethin' somethin'.

And then it hit me.  

Now, what I came up with, I can't actually give you....but I can sure as hell post it:

Even if I'm not "there", remember I'm with you every step of the way.  Imagine me talking nonsense, making you laugh with stories of Darth and other dumb stuff I do.  

Yes, it might hurt.  It might suck at times and if you plan on stopping, just remember what you told me a week or two ago when I didn't know if I could...

Just keep going.

And when you cross that finish line?  Man o man!

Now....go kill it!  And I'll be waiting for you to get back, with a grilled cheese in hand.  

See ya on the flip side,

Hope

Tidbits

Today is Get-To-Know-Your-Blogger Day.  Okay.  Not really, but here you go anyway:

• I suck at Words with Friends
• I love Dawson's Creek
• Sometimes I feel like I can stay in the shower all day.
• I can be too hard on myself.
• The best part of the movie is the preview.
• I have a phobia of ordering pizza over the phone.
• And I refuse to order through the drive-thru as a driver.
• I don't like to watch the news.
• I like to read novels geared towards young adults, maybe to revisit that time in my own life and maybe recapture that "innocence," at least for a moment.
• The rest of my house can be a mess just as long as the kitchen is clean and my bed is made.
• I like folding towels, but hate matching socks.
• I might be posting this because I can't think of anything else to write about.
• Someone told me I look like Danica Patrick.  Funny.
• I have so much stuff I want to do that I get stressed out and don't do anything.
• I do not sing in the shower.  Only in the car.
• I'm going to do a BIG 'OL happy dance when this semester of school is over.
• I can never be a waitress because I'm afraid I will throw food at someone.
• My good friends tend to move away.  
• I hate talking on the phone.
• I'm Twitter challenged.
• I can't believe I'm about to run 13.1 miles.  For fun...because I want to.  Strange.
• I secretly want to be a CIA agent.

Another New Favorite Quote:

I was reading one of my favorite blogs (SUAR.  This woman is absolutely hysterical, I kid you NOT) and she referenced an article entitled 12 Things to Start Caring About Today  from one of her favorite blogs, Marc and Angel Hack Life.

In this article, I found another New Favorite Quote:

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

Well said.

So, I had a pretty big night last night.

this is me.  in a dress.
all awkward-like.
don't be scared.

If you know me, you know that I don't like to draw any attention to myself.  Also, if it isn't running attire, blue fuzzy pants, jeans or t-shirts, it doesn't belong on my body.  My hair normally is kept in a pony tail and eyeliner and lipstick very rarely grace this face.  These are things that I am normally very successful and happy in maintaining,  yesterday being the exception.

It all started when I walked into work with my hair done, makeup on, a dress and boots on.  I tried really hard to fly in under the radar, just sitting at my desk hiding behind my monitors.  It didn't work. And then, the blushing only got worse from there when I had to tell people why.  No.  It wasn't an interview as my supervisor feared.  I had a special occasion to attend after work.

You see, I was being inducted into an honor society .....

Not only am I a running fiend, blogger-extraordinaire, wife, step-mom, full-time fundraising researcher; I am also a part-time student attending the University of North Carolina at Charlotte (Go Niner Nation!).   I have been enrolled for...um, five years now?... taking one or two classes each semester.  SLOWLY chipping away at it.  Next semester, I'll be a senior.....for like three more years (sigh).

Through it all, somehow I've kept a decent GPA and was invited to join Alpha Sigma Lambda, an honor society for non-traditional students who are "First in Scholarship and Leadership".

Last night was our induction ceremony.  

And it wasn't until last night that I became kinda proud of what I'm doing.

Yea.  I'm pretty awesome.

1 pound of chocolate chips and 2 jars of peanut butter later....

Hello.  My name is Hope, and I'm a peanut butter'holic.

You may laugh, but it's true.  And the title is no exaggeration.  I went through 2 jars of peanut butter and 1 pound of chocolate chips in 1 week.  When I was on the third jar, standing in my kitchen, in the dark.... I had to admit to myself I had a problem.

Which makes offers like these that appear in my Facebook news feed nearly impossible to resist.
http://ilovepeanutbutter.com/peanutpower12

This does not help my recovery plan.....

AND

Today is Pi Day.  Egads.

Go.  Enjoy. Have a slice of peanut butter pie in my honor.

My New Favorite Quote (slightly modified)

"The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

In fact, it might be full of dog crap."

(thanks SUAR!!!)

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY IS A
PEANUT BUTTER and JELLY 

DAY!!!!!

Makes for one happy girl :-)

Forgiveness

If it's one thing I've learned, is that we are way to hard on ourselves, and our punishments are sometimes way too severe.  Let me ask, does the punishment always fit the "crime"?  And does the punishment really make anything better?

I've found, if anything, it just makes it worse.  It's the dreaded downward spiral and it's so hard to dig out of.  So, please take my advice and just don't go down there.  Did you eat too many M&Ms?  You know you shouldn't have.  But it's done.  Accept that you did and do better tomorrow. But for heaven's sake don't beat yourself up over it.  Did you only run 2 miles when you should have run 4?  You know what?  It's okay!  Don't try to do more tomorrow to make up for it.  Accept it, just don't skimp out on the next run.

When I was younger, I parted ways with my closest friend.  She was a sister to me.  Why did we?  I have no idea.  I can't even remember.  But for about five years I held a grudge.  I held a grudge for something I couldn't even really remember.  It's like that family feud that lasts for centuries and continues even though no one remembers what started it in the first place.  I don't know if it was age, time or what, but I found forgiveness for her, but I still couldn't forgive myself.  I couldn't forgive myself for letting a relationship so special and rare dissolve into thin air.  I wanted to fix it, but I just couldn't reach out.  So for a few more years, I dug myself further down the hole.   Thankfully, she was there to help me back out.

By holding yourself in contempt, you're only hurting yourself and holding yourself back.  Don't let yourself go so far over that you can't be brought back.  Forgive yourself because you, my friend, are the only one who can.

And when you can forgive yourself, you can start to love yourself.
And that is when all the magic happens.

 

Lisa DeFlamingos: 6 Days to Go

Thanks to my sister AND my mother, I bring you a typical family conversation.

Lisa DeFlamingos: 6 Days to Go: oops.  I forgot to do my blog last night.  To my avid readers I would like to give you my sincere apologies.  To make up for it, I will give...

This has got to stop...

This incessant eating.  It must end.  And what is scary is that I'm stuffing my face with whatever edible thing I can find.  It's no particular craving.  I'm not particularly hungry.  And what's even scarier?  I'm not walking or lifting weights; I'm not cycling, swimming or running (sadly).  I'm sitting on my arse in front of stupid (but I love them) television shows and LOADING MY FREAKING FACE LIKE A CHIPMUNK WITH ITS CHEEKS PUFFED OUT.

It's time to take a step back and evaluate.  I need to figure out why I'm doing this to myself.  It's not like it makes me feel good.  It makes me feel the complete opposite.  I feel like I've let myself down.  And the guilt...don't forget about the guilt.  But this I pledge to you.  I will NOT go back to that size 18 pant.  I will NOT let myself be tempted by the temporary euphoria food gives me; it's not real.  What is real is how good I felt when I was active and eating healthy; how confident I was and how I felt I could take on the world.

Tomorrow is December 1.  Tomorrow is a new day and a new month.  Tomorrow I will fight to get myself back.  This I pledge:

• food logs will resume
• workouts will resume
• lots of water will be drunk
• meals will be cooked at home
• no junk food will enter the threshold
• I will forego the Christmas cookie bake-a-thon
• I will remain honest about my progress
• I will hold myself accountable
• I will succeed.