Thursday, December 29, 2016

What Are Your Intentions?

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks.  It's been an interesting year.  Not stellar, not devastating.  I'm proud of some things and not so proud of others; but the beauty of this time of year is that we all get a blank check to make the next one better. I had already made this decision, quoting to some of my friends that "2017 will be the Year of Hope."  Kinda catchy, don't you think? Almost punny....
And then I came across this a couple days ago....  Kinda perfect, don't you think?  Now, I was joking about becoming a redhead but I have to be honest...kinda considering it!

Seriously.  Ridiculously amazing!

I write to you on the cusp of the new year.  I hope you read this before the drinks start flowing and the noise gets too much that you can't hear your own thoughts because I want you to take a moment to hear those thoughts.  To reflect on the past 365 days, to see what worked, what didn't, and maybe some things that could work but just maybe needs a little adjustment.  What do YOU want to do the same.  What do YOU want to do differently.  What will CHALLENGE you. 

I plan on taking some time to reflect on these things and to come up with a list to share.  I urge you to do the same.  I'm not talking about resolutions.  I'm talking about more than that.  I'm talking about intentions.  And yes, there is a difference.  Plug the word resolution into Google and you find "a firm decision to do or not to do something" or "the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter." Throw in the word resolute and you get "admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering."  Each are indeed admirable and inspirational, but is it reasonable?  

They get you excited, primed and ready for the big race, the big game, the whole enchilada!  But what happens when the race is over, the final score is on the scoreboard and you went to town on that enchilada and made happy plate?  

What if we replaced the word resolution with intention?  "A thing intended; an aim or plan." There are other great definitions out there, but they all give me the same feeling; of something organic, something fluid allowing the ability to reassess, change and to grow with what is being thrown at you every which way every day.  Because that my friends, is life.  Life is unreasonable sometimes and how we react and how we deal cannot be absolute.  Why not allow ourselves the freedom of fluidity?  How can we grow if we are absolute, feet set and unwavering or unwilling to move?

So let's start.  What do you intend to do in the coming year?  I'll have more later, but one intention that comes immediately to my mind is to do things that I've missed and writing ranks right up there. 

So I hope you all will welcome me back to the interwebs because I intend to get back to my roots.  To get back to one of the things that helped me navigate through this second chance at living.

That and I might become a redhead.  Could be funny and you might not want to miss that...

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Dear Dad,

Oh, this day.  Such a loaded, emotional day in so many ways.  But, it's also a day that I get to talk to you so that makes it a little better.  I only wish we could do it over a cup of coffee.

It is hard to imagine that it's been 25 years since I last saw you.  It was a day that started just like any other but ended with your last breath.  I spent years wondering what would be different; how I would be different.  Where would I be.  I know now that it doesn't matter because I'm here, now.  And as much as I'd like to take an eraser and rewrite yesteryear.  I can't.  So, Dad, how do I write my tomorrow?

I've been doing well, having more good days than bad; but it's been a struggle as of late.  It's times and days like these a little girl could really use a hug from her dad.  But there is no time for boo-hoo's, right?  It's time to figure out what's next.

I was going through an old picture box a few months ago and found a picture of you and Mom from our trip to the Bahamas.  You two had such smiles on your faces!  I loved it so much I framed it and put it where I can see it always.  I don't have a lot of memories, but some of my favorite ones are ones with you.  I only wish we had more time to have made some more.

There I go....wishing again.

So, before the waterworks start, I'm going to say goodbye for now.  I only ask you watch over me.  I have some decisions to make and could use a little fatherly help.

Give Rex a hug and kiss for me.  I do miss my old man.

Love you, miss you,