Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I'll be honest....

I've been feeling a bit out of sorts lately, not quite feeling like myself.  I can't put my finger on it, which really doesn't bode well since I have a big race this weekend.

Coach and I have targeted the Myrtle Beach Half Marathon as thee race to crush my half marathon PR and set the tone for the coming year.  But my friends, I'm missing that excitement, that fire in my belly.  I've been battling.  Battling a dodgy knee since the end of December, battling cupcakes, battling feelings of inadequacy, feeling like I don't measure up in so many ways.  I'm pre-occupied and have lost all focus.

I've been hitting the peanut butter jar, two-fisted.

Folks I won't lie to you, I still have these battles. Yes, I've come a long way on this journey of mine, but it is a journey.  It is filled with hills and curves, with asphalt and rocky roads, and sometimes wrong turns, flat tires or busted radiators!

So why am I writing this.  Why am I sharing with you these private thoughts and feelings?  Because I know we all have them.  And we all need to remember, myself included, that we just need to keep moving.  That yes, we sometimes take a wrong turn.  Sometimes we stall and sometimes we get a flat, but eventually we'll find our way back on the road.  As Jyl always told me, "Just keep going."

I have no earthly idea how this weekend will go; physically, mentally or emotionally.  And I have to be okay with not knowing.  Another very good friend of mine, whom I will refer to as The Jedi for the moment (and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her here), said "Worry is a misuse of the imagination."

I will now imagine myself in a bright green supercharged VW Bug named Hermes, with bright orange flames painted on the sides cruisin' down the strip.

Pardon me folks, my chariot awaits.

See ya at the finish.....
or Margaritaville.



4 comments:

LeeAnne said...

I don't understand why you feel this way because you're pretty goshdarn cool.
You will do fabulously in the race, cupcakes will hide their sweet little faces as you go past because you're just that amazing.

Down times happen to everyone, but most people don't realize that they can change it.
If you're unhappy, determine what it is that's making you so because you deserve so much better.

I love you! And you can get through this : ]

Bonny Bernat said...

Hope...you are definitely an inspiration to many and from someone who has completely struggled to figure out this running thing, I am in awe of your story and your determination! I'm excited that I'll be there to watch you cross the finish line this weekend and know that I should be there too, but there is next year! :-) Your going to do great, half the battle is getting there and we'll make sure that happens!!

Fonda Williams said...

you are my running hero! thanks for sharing the good, the bad, and the great! means more than you know. good luck at the beach!

Kevin Childress said...

I know someone else that'll be there to support you too ...