I don't know which is more bad a$$

Running 10 miles in sub 30 degree weather when there was an ice storm the night before?

Or running 10 miles on a freaking treadmill for an hour and a half with no music and only the the side pony tail boppers, men with their guts sucked in as the boppers bop by and the Wiggles on the television to keep you occupied.

Food for Thought: Peanut M&Ms.....

......are evil.

Things I Might Do Post Marathon

Today was a big day.  Today my training plan called for 20 miles.  Of running.  I don't think you realize just how far that is unless you are on your feet going 6mph eating this nasty GU stuff every 45 minutes.  Things hurt, things went numb....

It was awesome.

Dude.  I ran 20 miles today.

I RAN TWENTY FREAKING MILES.  AT ONCE.  Holy crap.

We all run for many reasons.  Some of us, 1% of us, decide to take the plunge and go for 26.2.  We begin a 16 week period of ups and downs and blisters and pain; and it's also a 16 week period of sacrifice of sorts.  One question that every runner training for a marathon can relate too is, "what are YOU going to do post marathon?"

And so, when you're running for 20 miles, you have lots of time.  Lots of time to talk, to cuss, to blow snot rockets......and to think.  And today I thought of a list of things I might do post marathon:

• throw the biggest party EVER.  Drinks all around!
• eat greasy-bad-for-me pizza
• sleep in until 6 a.m.
• drink a diet Coke
• quit running
• relax
• eat pancakes
• stay up past 9 p.m.
• celebrate Oktoberfest in November
• soak in a hot bath for a week
• clean my house
• burn my sneakers
• read more than 2 pages of a book without falling asleep
• buy the entire series of Dawson's Creek and Felicity and enjoy a different type of marathon where the fuel is miniature Reese's Cups, Hershey Nuggets with Toffee and Almonds and a pint of Ben & Jerry's

and just to keep things balanced....

Things I WON'T Do Post Marathon

• eat Gu gels for breakfast
• go on 15-20 mile runs for the hell of it

Lazy

This past Saturday, I was a tad early for my 7:00 a.m. group run.  While I was waiting, I tried to catch up on my Words with Friends games.  I burst out laughing when it showed my opponent's last word played: L-A-Z-Y.  Why did I laugh?  Because I was meeting people at 7 in the morning to run 7 miles, hurry home to load up the Jeep only to go paddle the Dan River for 9 more miles.

This weekend, we are heading to the mountains on a hiking trip (that may or may not produce another post, consider yourself warned), and who knows how many miles they have planned for me then!  But, since I wasn't going to be here this weekend, I had to rearrange my week to get everything in; including all my training workouts.  So, I biked and ran Tuesday morning, biked and swam Wednesday night, and then yesterday, I was out on the roads at 5:30 a.m. to get in an 8 mile run.  A much needed run since it's my last long training run before the Boilermaker next weekend.

What's funny is that I've always considered myself "lazy".  Still do.  I don't always get my housework done.  I don't always get my homework done.  I don't always cross off my to-do's on my daily list.  If you were to ask me why, I would probably say, "I guess I was just lazy."

And then I was talking to a very close and special friend of mine.  Someone who happens to be one of the biggest over-achievers known to the universe, who takes on more than she should but ALWAYS gets it all done to a higher standard than most of us would consider.  She called herself lazy.  Which made me go BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And then it got me thinking.

Folks.  If you're like me, you schedule 70hrs worth of things to do in a day (okay, slight exaggeration but you get my point!)

Just because we don't get everything we "think" should get done in 24 hrs, just because sometimes we opt to do something that we enjoy instead of work that needs to be done, just because we may take a day off from the everyday crap we have to deal with does NOT mean we are lazy.

It means we are human.

It means that we care enough about ourselves to make sure we take the time to stop and smell the roses sometimes.

And the next time you start to use the "L" word....cut yourself some slack!

Extraordinary

My trusty dictionary defines the word as "going beyond what is usual, regular, or customary".

I have never thought of myself as extraordinary, nor is my story.  It is much like anyone else's, but it is my story, and it goes well beyond my "usual, regular, or customary."

I've struggled with my weight, or rather my body image, for as long as I remember.  I've always felt that I wasn't small enough, pretty enough and was always self-conscious of my looks, so much that I hid behind my clothes.  It couldn't be big or baggy enough for me.  As the years went by, I began to grow into my big baggy clothes.  As I grew bigger, my confidence grew smaller, not that I had much to begin with.  I didn't like to wear shorts or shirts that didn't "hide" my bum; and swimming?  Oh hell no.

I could become depressed at the drop of a hat. I hated what I had become and I desperately wanted to be someone else.  I hated trying to meet people.  I mean, how could they get past my weight?  They would never be able to "see" me.  And looking back, why would they want to get to know me?  I was a bear to be around.  Self loathing, self pity, oh my goodness it wasn't pretty.

The cards were beginning to stack up against me.  Not only was my confidence and my sanity in a downward spiral, my health began its descent as well.  My wake up call was when the Doc put me on a glucose monitor.  My mother and my sister developed diabetes, and no offense to them (and I love them DEARLY), no way did I want to follow in these particular footsteps to Downtown Diabetesville.  The first time I pricked my finger, I remembered seeing my mom lying on a bed in the ER.  I don't remember the exact details (don't forget, I'm the sibling with the shoddy memory) like how we got there or who exactly was with me, my brother I think?  Anyway, we were there because her blood sugar was off.  Way off.  So, when I pricked my finger that first time, I got scared.  And under no circumstance did I want to be on a bed like that by myself.  No thank you.  I tried to shed some pounds, exercised here and there, and then I'd stop.  This cycle went on for a bit.  I was none the healthier, none the lighter.  Only frustrated and miserable and felt like I wasn't good enough to change anyway.

One day I decided enough was enough.  One day I decided that I was worth it.  I didn't say "maybe I'll try".  This time I said "I'm going to."

I started to run.  I did it because I wanted to be healthy.  I wanted to be able to go for walks with people without feeling sad that I was always bringing up the rear, unable to keep up.  Yes, I did want to lose weight, but it wasn't all about that. I didn't have a number I had to reach in a specific amount of time.  I just really wanted to be healthy and happy with myself.

This is slightly different than your typical "Before and After"story.  I didn't decide to reach Xnumber of pounds or set my mind into getting into a size Y.  I decided to find the person I used to like, to get to know her again.  There are a few questions I get asked a lot and that I try to skirt answering these because, as much as I like numbers and data, this isn't about the numbers. But because I get asked a lot, that means folks want to know.  So, here we go.  .

What is your goal weight?  Well, when I enlisted the help of a coach to get me on track, she told me I had to pick a number to work towards.  She said it was easier to reach a goal if you make a goal.  So,  I picked 130 lbs.  Why?  Because it seemed like a healthy number.

How much have you lost?  When I was at my heaviest, I weighed around 180 lbs, maybe more, in 2008 and held steady.  It has been an up and down roller coaster since, but I have lost 50 lbs and have reached "goal" weight.

Are you still losing weight?  Because you look like you are (spoken with raised eyebrow).  No.  I am no longer losing weight, but am maintaining my weight.  My body is still changing though, losing body fat and gaining muscle.  I'm mindful of what I eat and I exercise at least 5 times a week.  NOT because I want to lose more weight, but because it makes me feel good, happy, healthy and I enjoy it!

I don't have the typical "before and after" picture because, well, this wasn't really planned.  It just kind of happened.  What I do have are some pictures I pulled together from over the years. 

2009

2010

2011

2012

I wish I could stress that it hasn't been just about losing weight.  It has been about finding the me that I hoped was in there.  Am I perfect now?  Hell no.  Do I still get depressed?  Heavens yes.  Do I still have self doubt?  Of course I do.  But I'm a hell of a lot better at handling the imperfections and depression and self doubt than I was a year ago!  I laugh more, I smile more.....I love myself more.

In the grand scheme of things, I don't think I'm extraordinary, nor is my story.  But I'll tell you what. The road to self discovery is never easy and is always scary.  I decided to take that road and I'm still truckin'.  And that, my friends, is what I think I'm most proud of.

And if you are sitting there, reading and maybe wondering if you have it in you to go down that road?  I'm here to tell you that you do.  All you have to do is decide, and I'll be with you every step of the way.

A TMI Moment Brought to You by Yours Truly

I would most likely swim more if shaving wasn't such a pain in the arse.

Now back to your regular scheduled programming.