Monday, September 15, 2014

Things I've learned

Today is a weird day.  I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it.  I'm happy all around.  I feel comforted knowing the right decision was made, but I feel scared too.  I mean, this is it; I really am out here all by myself, sink or swim time.  And I'm overwhelmed with possibilities and a little stressed out by them as well. Do I stay, do I go?  A door is about to burst wide open, and the time I've been waiting for has finally come when I must walk through it.

Today is the day when a simple piece of paper will be given to a judge.  A piece of paper that states that after 12.5 years, my marriage will legally be dissolved.

Way to just throw it all at you like that, huh?
Boom.  The words are out.  Did I just say what you think I said?  Yup.  I did.

You're probably thinking I'm kinda crazy, right?  I mean, me saying it all out loud on the interwebs like this... Well, part of this online thing I've got going on here is that I keep it honest and true.  I always lay it all out, whatever is on my mind, the good and bad.  Why?  So we can not only poke fun and laugh at shenanigans, but so we both can learn from my experiences, my mistakes.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I wanted to share with you some things I've learned navigating my way through relationships, marriage and divorce.  These are just my opinions and things I'm still working on myself.  Take them or leave them.  Maybe they'll offer you some insight, a different view point.  Maybe they'll help you, maybe they'll just make you roll your eyes.  Either way, I thought I'd offer them up just the same.

  • Accept people for who they are.  
  • Accept them, yes, but don't allow them to treat you badly just because "that's just how they are."  There is a way to treat people; with truth, honesty and respect.
  • You should be accepted for who YOU are, and allowed room and given support and encouragement to grow.  DO NOT accept anything less than this.
  • As tempting as it is, pushing everyone away is not the answer.
  • The moment when you want to shut out every person is the very moment you need to find the courage to let them in.  
  • If you shut down, you shut down possibility.  
  • You are in control of how you feel.
  • You need to be willing to give a part of yourself, but be careful not to lose yourself along the way.
  • Take time to smell the roses.  Always.
  • Don't be afraid to make mistakes.  People who really love you, spouses/boyfriends-girlfriends/friends/family whomever, they will still love you no matter what.  And if they don't?  Move on.  You ain't got time for that.
  • Be you.  Don't let other people dictate what you do or what you think.  
  • It's okay to get a little crazy sometimes.  
  • Do what makes you feel good.  
  • Kind words and small gestures are huge.
  • Keep breathing.  Each day will get easier.
  • And, with any kind of relationship, you have to communicate.  Even when you're saying goodbye.  

I've made my share of mistakes through all this, no doubt.  I've tried, and continue to try, to handle everything with as much grace possible and I will be the first to admit that I was not and am not always successful!  At times I get irrational and angry and sad and pissed off, and you know what?  I'm okay with that.  I mean, I can't be all unicorns and rainbows all the time.

I am a lot of things, but when push comes to shove, I'd like to think my heart and mind will remain open to possibility, to whatever tomorrow brings.

I guess that's that.  Time to write "The End," and ask the question, "what's next?"
Because the possibilities are endless.

 


1 comment:

Jenny Leiser said...

I struggle with shutting people out at the first sign of conflict. "The moment when you want to shut out every person is the very moment you need to find the courage to let them in." Great advice to remember!