Words for Wednesday

I was talking to my brother on the phone on Monday night, recapping our respective races over the weekend, which was a little weird and cool all at the same time.  You see, I was extremely sedentary up until about four or so years ago when I made some lifestyle changes, lost quite a bit of weight, began running which eventually led me to my triathlon adventure.

It happened to Jenn, my sister-in-law, too.  Then my niece, Jordyn, and now my big brother, Les.  My nephew, Adam, was already a runner; but he's joined in the family too.  This past weekend, Jenn did her first sprint triathlon while Les and Adam joined Jenn's swim coach for some relay fun; Les on two wheels and Adam on two feet.

So there we were chatting; sharing moments, sharing the sport, sharing the experience even though we were 300 miles apart.  It was a special moment.

And then he said it.... "the health bug....it's more like a virus." And then we both got a good chuckle out of it.

But think about it, diverging from the negative connotation.  He's not too far off.  Quoting from a wiki page, "a virus is a small infectious agent that replicates only inside the living cells of other organisms."  Quoting from my dictionary app, a virus can be "an infecting influence."

How strange and fitting that the following came up on my quotes app this morning....on a Wednesday even...go figure.
(Looks like the Universe might be telling me to get my fingers back on the keyboard?!)

"A healthy attitude is contagious but don't wait to catch it from others.  Be a carrier."

- Tom Stoppard

British playwright

Things I've learned

Today is a weird day.  I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about it.  I'm happy all around.  I feel comforted knowing the right decision was made, but I feel scared too.  I mean, this is it; I really am out here all by myself, sink or swim time.  And I'm overwhelmed with possibilities and a little stressed out by them as well. Do I stay, do I go?  A door is about to burst wide open, and the time I've been waiting for has finally come when I must walk through it.

Today is the day when a simple piece of paper will be given to a judge.  A piece of paper that states that after 12.5 years, my marriage will legally be dissolved.

Way to just throw it all at you like that, huh?
Boom.  The words are out.  Did I just say what you think I said?  Yup.  I did.

You're probably thinking I'm kinda crazy, right?  I mean, me saying it all out loud on the interwebs like this... Well, part of this online thing I've got going on here is that I keep it honest and true.  I always lay it all out, whatever is on my mind, the good and bad.  Why?  So we can not only poke fun and laugh at shenanigans, but so we both can learn from my experiences, my mistakes.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I wanted to share with you some things I've learned navigating my way through relationships, marriage and divorce.  These are just my opinions and things I'm still working on myself.  Take them or leave them.  Maybe they'll offer you some insight, a different view point.  Maybe they'll help you, maybe they'll just make you roll your eyes.  Either way, I thought I'd offer them up just the same.

• Accept people for who they are.  
• Accept them, yes, but don't allow them to treat you badly just because "that's just how they are."  There is a way to treat people; with truth, honesty and respect.
• You should be accepted for who YOU are, and allowed room and given support and encouragement to grow.  DO NOT accept anything less than this.
• As tempting as it is, pushing everyone away is not the answer.
• The moment when you want to shut out every person is the very moment you need to find the courage to let them in.  
• If you shut down, you shut down possibility.  
• You are in control of how you feel.
• You need to be willing to give a part of yourself, but be careful not to lose yourself along the way.
• Take time to smell the roses.  Always.
• Don't be afraid to make mistakes.  People who really love you, spouses/boyfriends-girlfriends/friends/family whomever, they will still love you no matter what.  And if they don't?  Move on.  You ain't got time for that.
• Be you.  Don't let other people dictate what you do or what you think.  
• It's okay to get a little crazy sometimes.  
• Do what makes you feel good.  
• Kind words and small gestures are huge.
• Keep breathing.  Each day will get easier.
• And, with any kind of relationship, you have to communicate.  Even when you're saying goodbye.  

I've made my share of mistakes through all this, no doubt.  I've tried, and continue to try, to handle everything with as much grace possible and I will be the first to admit that I was not and am not always successful!  At times I get irrational and angry and sad and pissed off, and you know what?  I'm okay with that.  I mean, I can't be all unicorns and rainbows all the time.

I am a lot of things, but when push comes to shove, I'd like to think my heart and mind will remain open to possibility, to whatever tomorrow brings.

I guess that's that.  Time to write "The End," and ask the question, "what's next?"
Because the possibilities are endless.

 

Dear Dad,

Another year has flown by.

I never know what this day will bring, where I'll be or how I'll be feeling about it.  Heck, I guess that goes with every day!  And I guess with everything I write, I never quite know what I want to say to you.  I just start writing and let whatever happens to be inside just flow through my fingers and out onto the keyboard.

I'll be honest, today kinda crept up on me.  It shouldn't have though.  You came to me about a month ago.  I was at a small concert and this band played a song that I thought you would have liked.  You would have liked the band, the music, and I felt you there, just for a moment and then you were gone.  You used to come to me right before this day years ago.  It's been a while.  In fact, I was really mad at you last year for that.  So thank you for the visit.  I needed it :)

So much has changed; both good and bad.  I wish you were here to see it, to be a part of it. I wish you were here to talk to, to help me understand things that are beyond my comprehension; things only a dad could tell his little girl.

I find that I've been quite reflective lately.  I don't really know why.  I've been asking weird questions.  You know, the kind of questions that there really aren't any answers for. Like.... I know everyone comes into your life at the precise moment they were meant to for a reason.  I truly believe that.  But I find that I've been really analyzing this, trying to figure out the reasons why people have come into my life.  What was I supposed to learn from them, what was I supposed to take away from that interaction or relationship, etc.  And then I start wondering, well if they came into my life, I was meant to come into their life as well, right?  Well, why?  Stupid questions, yes.  I acknowledge this.  I should just accept it and move on.....

So then I move to; well they came into my life, why did they leave it?  And why did they choose to make their exit in the manner in which they did?  You left, but I know you couldn't help that.  You would have stayed if you could.  And I guess that's one of many reasons why I wish you were here, to offer some fatherly insight.  Some of it makes sense, but some of it baffles me.  Dad, how can some people pretend I never existed?  I guess this is such a foreign concept to me because I'm just not built that way.  But I also realize I'm not in their shoes, I'm not experiencing all that they are.  I don't know the inner workings of their mind or their heart, it's not fair of me to try to make any of my own conclusions. All I can rightfully do is accept it, respect it and because I'm me, always leave a line open to them.

I look at our pictures often.  I close my eyes and try to remember your voice.  Unfortunately, that's a memory that has faded over these 23 years.

I love you, Dad.  I miss you.  Come visit more often.  I want to hear you laugh.  That big 'ol belly laugh you used to do!  Check in on me once in a while.  I've got some big things coming up you won't want to miss!

Love always,
your pigwart

Thoughts to Ponder

when on a plane....

"...close the air blower above you when you get in your seat; 

you are simply blowing germs directly into your face."

Gross.

thank you USAT for that tidbit.

Thoughts for Thursday

Even if you have your earbuds in...

...people can still hear you singing.

Well, it's back to reality.....

....but what you did was real.

My brother said that to me last night when talked, after we all made it back to our homes safe and sound from an epic few days.  Nothing more appropriate could have been said to me than that.

There is SO much to say, so much to show!  A recap will happen but the thoughts and pictures need to be sorted through first.

I just wanted to jot a fast post to say it was a fantastic weekend, give a quick shout out to my family and to tell you all just how awesome they are, and to once more marvel at how lucky I am to have the circle friends that I do.

I would not have made it without them.  No doubt.

Thoughts to Ponder

Looking Forward

Some may be waiting for my recap of the Richmond Marathon, and it's coming I promise.  I'm just waiting for some pictures that I purchased so I can use them legally!  Usually I don't get very good race photos.  Let's be honest, I normally look like I'm about to cross over into the Underworld and I don't mind stealing a screen shot.  But this time?  This time I loved almost ALL my pictures and thought I would finally give Marathonfoto their due.  So patience my dear friends....a picture filled recap will soon follow.

Right now I just wanted to say a few things.

I met with Coach Sarah yesterday and I felt so exhilarated after talking with her about what's to come; and when I woke up this morning I felt the same excitement just brewing below the surface that it can hardly be contained.

I'm excited about the plan we've put in place.
I'm excited about the challenges we've set.
I'm excited about the hard work this training cycle will demand.
I'm excited about going to bed absolutely exhausted, knowing I gave it my all that day.
I'm excited about increasing my peanut butter intake.
I'm excited about learning more about myself as an athlete.
I'm excited about recovery smoothies.
And I'm so excited about this adventure, to see what kind of potential I have yet to unlock.

Strong mind.
Strong heart.

Can't wait to get this party started!

Random Thoughts going into Richmond

With Richmond Marathon in 4 days, I decided to share some thoughts that are going through this runner's mind.

• So Hungry
• Wine may not be the best way to hydrate.
• 26 miles.  It's all fun and games until the last 4.
• I am stalking Weather.com
• And I thought 3 miles of tempo work was hard....
• So Hungry
• I haven't found the perfect mantra just yet.
• I think I'm in denial.
• My Sharpie is packed.
• I'm a little curious about the Junk Food Stop.
• It feels weird to not swim this week.
• Something tells me I should cherish this no-swim week.
• So Hungry
• I still haven't picked out my outfit.  
• I do have my socks chosen.  So that's a plus.
• The thought of taking 7 gels kinda makes me gag.
• My gut tells me I will soon be reminded how much it hurt.
• My gut will soon tell me it doesn't like it when I consume 7 gels.
• Yup. Still in denial.
• I need fried pickles.

4 days.

Party on, Garth.

p.s.
See shameless fundraising plug here:  
https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/running-for-chiari-when-every-minute-counts/69303

Thoughts on a Sunday morning

I've had a pretty big spring and summer this year.  And when I mean "pretty big", I mean kinda life altering. Hopefully one day I'll be able to find the right words and tell you all about it.

But here is where I am right now.

It's Sunday morning.  My fuzzy four legged sons are on either side of me, happily napping.  Soon I'll have to wake them up to go on our morning walk on this quiet and cool brisk morning.  I've got my Pandora radio going as I catch up on my email, social media and yes, writing this as I sip on my coffee.

I feel the soreness still in my muscles from yesterday's long run, and it comforts me oddly enough.  It reminds me that I did something great yesterday.  It reminds me of my strength; strength of body, heart and mind.

I have a busy day ahead, but right now I'm submerging myself in this moment of quiet calm and I feel a wave of contentedness wash over me.

Happy Sunday, my friends.

 

Happy Birthday to Me

So, yes, I've been MIA for a while.  No need to go into the details just now, but things have been, shall we say a little topsy turvy.  Life has not only thrown me curve balls; it's thrown fast balls, knuckle balls, and lobs that I've swung at and whiffed.

Have you ever opened a card and as you read it, thought that it was absolutely perfect and written with you in mind?  I opened that card yesterday, one my mom sent for my birthday.  I love how she can hug me when she's 750 miles a way.  Moms are cool like that.

Anyway.  When I read the words, it sparked something inside. It's been a roller coaster these past few months, but it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off and hit the ground running.  Literally and metaphorically.  Topsy turvy, zig zaggy, whatever....Bring it on baby, 'cause this girl is back!

Today is my birthday. In so many ways.

(Here is the passage in my card....in case you need a hug too!  Since it's a greeting card, I can't really credit the author, so I'm sending a shout out to the Unknown Author Person.  Well said, my friend, well said!)

How to Make a Beautiful Life

Love yourself.
MAKE PEACE with who you are and where you are at this moment in time.

Listen to your heart.
If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world, MAKE TIME for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.
Take chances.
MAKE MISTAKES.
Life can be messy and confusing at times, but it's also full of surprises.  The next rock in your path might be a stepping stone.

Be happy.
When you don't have what you want, want what you have.
MAKE DO.
That's a well-kept secret to contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.
you have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY.
To know where you're going is only part of it.
You need to know where you've been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don't worry.
The people who love you will find you.
Count on it.

Life isn't days and years.
It's what you do with time and with all the goodness and grace that's inside you.
MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...
The kind of life you deserve.

To Marathon Or Not to Marathon....

That is the question.

I honestly don't know which is harder, deciding to run your first marathon or deciding if you want to run a second.

For the first one, let's be honest, you REALLY don't know what you've signed up for.  I mean, yes, you know it's going to be hard.  It's 26.2 miles for heaven's sake, how can it not?  You know it's going to be a big commitment of time and focus. You've heard all the stories about long training runs, lost toe nails, sore muscles, but you hear about this "amazing feeling" once you cross that finish line.  So you register for The Big One because you need to see for yourself what it's all about.

Now, for the second one, let's be honest, now YOU KNOW.  Now you know all about sore muscles, lost toe nails, aches where you didn't even know things existed.  You've since named your foam roller because, well since we're being honest, you two really need to be on a first-name-basis to roll the places you need to roll.  You've learned about epsom salts and Biofreeze.  You've had your crash course in gels and chomps, whether or not your GI system can handle regular or x2 caffeine, or if any caffeine at all.  And hopefully you learned this lesson while you were safe at home near a bathroom and not out in the middle of a run (no pun intended). You know what it means to be truly exhausted, you know that once the training cycle starts your social life takes a bit of a hit.  Not to mention the no-beer-for-a-month thing.  And then, throw in the I'm-unable-to-move-any-part-of-my-body-for-a-week-after thing.

You now know all this.  You now understand what marathon is, what it entails.
But now, now you've already figured out how to hydrate, how to eat, if you can tolerate caffeine or not.  You have named your foam roller and you two are now BFFs.  Now you've figured out the more difficult stuff, you've lived the learning curve, you're now a step ahead.

And you now know what doing a marathon really means.

So. So now I know.
Decisions, decisions.  Why on earth am I considering another?  Especially after the Battle of Myrtle Beach?

To marathon or not to marathon.  That is the question.

Where there's a will, there's a way

Or how 'bout "if you want something bad enough...."

I used to hate both those phrases.  They always sounded so cliche.  But, if it is one thing I learned this past autumn while training for a marathon, working and taking classes simultaneously is that if you truly want something, if you are truly committed to seeing something through....

Where there's a will, there's a way.

I NEVER thought I would say that, let alone be living proof of it.  But here I am.  Proof.

Up at 4:15-4:30 a.m. nearly every morning.

Home 6:00-7:00 p.m. in the evening.

Some workouts in the morning when most were still in bed, fast asleep.

Some workouts in the evening when some were out having that after work cocktail.

Homework.  Housework. Grocery shopping, cooking, meal planning.....

eat, exercise, eat, work, class, eat, work, eat, swim, eat, housework, make dinner, eat, pack lunch and bag for the next day, dishes, eat, homework, eat, sleep....wash dry and repeat.
(yes...lots of eating...one of the perks of marathon training!)

Why?  Why on earth would I do this to myself?  Well friends, I didn't quite know why then and I still can't quite put my finger on it.  Because I wanted to be able to say I did it?  Because maybe it would bring my journey full circle?  I wanted to see if I could do it?  To make someone proud?  I wanted that damn sticker on my car?  To prove to those that didn't think I could, that I could and I would? To, for once, be able to say I was part of a "1%"?  Wouldn't it be something fantastic if I could pull all this off?  I don't know....  

One thing I do know is that from now on, I will be very careful how I use the words "I can't".  Because if it's one thing I've proven is that I can.  I can do most things I never thought I could, that I never thought possible.  I have met adversity.  I've met my share of obstacles, of that there is no doubt.  I've met pain.  I've met sorrow.  I've met disappointment.  I have seen anger and felt despair.  But I kept going.  I saw it through.   

I did it.  

Me.

No one else.

I gave myself gifts.  Yes, I'm healthy.  Yes, I'm fit.  But don't you see?   It is so much more than that. I have finally given myself the gift of confidence, the gift of pride and the gift of happiness.

There are of course days I have to remind myself of this.  Especially now when a new school semester and training cycle has started and I'm running around wound up tighter than a Timex (wait, everything is digital now, isn't it? so does this saying still make sense?)...

You want me to

• write a 20 page paper?
• run a 7:00 minute/mile?
• participate in class discussions (intelligently)?
• be at the gym at 5:30 for spin class?
• quit peanut butter?
• swim in a lake?

There is no way that I can do............hold on.  Yes I can.

except for the peanut butter.